The main reason why some couples have a difficult time getting past their differences is because of their inability to deal with the very reality of it.
Usually, destructive behaviors arise from the denial of some uncomfortable truth in a person’s life. When faced with a bitter reality, a lot of couples resort to a sort of defensive mechanism as a way of coping with the hard truth of things.
What they don’t realize is that avoiding their issues will only cause them to grow even bigger.
The fact is that dysfunctional marriages are that way because of a general ignorance of the basic relationship life cycle. At the onset of a romantic union, it’s very common for a couple to get into an infatuation or “falling in love” stage.
The beginning of this lifelong process of discovery will initially reveal all the good traits of your partner.
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However, problems begin to occur when there the inevitable shift in the marriage takes place and the people involved fail to adjust accordingly.
At some point in the future, a marriage will enter a new phase which is often referred to as a “reality check”. Here you’ll come to realize that your spouse is not as perfect as you first thought he or she was.
In fact, both of your undesirable qualities eventually surface, and the differences you didn’t see before will come to light. You’ll be arguing over the resulting clashes in personality and opinion.
Whether you like it or not, there is no getting around this reality. All relationships will evolve, and the only thing left for a couple to do is to accept this and find a constructive way to deal with it.
Otherwise, things could get ugly when your individual visions of the marriage start to go in opposing directions. You’ll start wrestling for control of the relationship and won’t know how to manage it.
This is the time when many marriages end in divorce because it seems to be the only available solution to the power struggle.
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So you see, it’s not a question of “if” but rather a matter of “when”. When reach the point where you’ve spent enough time to know each other better, expect that you’ll be getting into arguments at some point. This is a natural part of the growing pains you’ll experience as a couple.
The problem then is that some marriages are either unable to adapt to or accept the fact that disillusionment will happen. As I mentioned earlier, a lot of problems arise from a denial of reality.
Instead of embracing these changes and finding a meaningful way to resolve these emerging conflicts, some people choose to pretend like nothing’s wrong even when the weight of their disagreements is pushing them to a breaking point.
Therefore, the best and most practical way of coping with the evolution of marriage is through a constant, daily habit of effective communication and proper conflict management.
There is nothing you can do about the inevitable power struggle in the relationship, but you can certainly do plenty to survive these changes and clashes.
If you are truly willing to see it through, it is possible to come to terms with your differences and move on to the next stage in your life as a couple.
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